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PostPosted: Tue Dec 24, 2019 9:10 pm 
King cosy
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Joined: Tue Sep 29, 2009 3:16 pm
Posts: 27807
Location: maine road
IM A bit sick and tired of all these xmas songs
slade,wizzard,fckn jingle bells etc
so cos im im on my own tonight
well ive got to do me stand up gig tonight
in a hotel bout 11 pm when everybody is pissed up
im shitting it,no new material [sad.gif]
so im thinking about doing singing
or magic
but the owner has just been on the blower to me
no,no and no mark i hired you as a comedian
he said to me
him,"wassup are you drunk or summat"?
me,"no i just cant think of any topical jokes"
he said "well im not paying you then fck off"
so i said to him "erm ok hang on what about if i only say the word ONLY"
HIM"wtf are you on about you fckn nobslap"
me,listen mate right,ppl; are fed up with xmas songs
so i will ask the audience name a song with the word ONLY
in it
then i will rip them to fckn bits
him" how the fck will that work" the word only isnt funny"
fckn let me work on it you bell end,i got 3 hours yet"
he sez,"you better not turn up pissed acting like a dick" i wont pay you"
so i told him a private joke re> dusty springfield i ONLY want to be with you"
he sez "oh thats a fckn corker that one lots of fckn laughs
so what im asking youse lot is,anybody got any songs with the word ONLY in it
dont take all night to answer im at work about half ten.

a wise man has something to say
a fool just has to say something

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